Monday, May 14, 2012

Mothers Day Reality

Most people think that Mothers Day is only sad for those who have suffered a loss such as a mother or grandmother or a child. No one ever thinks about how hard it is on someone who cannot have children.

I have always known that having children naturally would likely not be possible for me. When I was 19 and had the mechanical valve put in and was put on Coumadin,that was like the last nail in my coffin of motherhood dreams. Now there would be no possibility of carrying children.

I know people will say that I have options: Adoption,Surrogacy. I don't think I could ever ask anyone to be a surrogate for me. As for the adoption plan,I am so scared that I would not be accepted as a potential adoptive mother because of my CHD & various other health issues.

Yesterday after I had dinner with my family.I went to check my text messages. There were none. Then my mom said "Well Today's Mothers Day. You aren't a mom." I swear I nearly slapped her. I was so angry & upset with her and I know she didn't mean anything mean by it. She's an amazing mom and I am lucky to have her.

Hearing about and seeing all these flowers & homemade cards that kids brought their mother made me sad. I realized right then that I will likely never get to share a Mothers Day with my child.

This year was the first year that Mothers Day had affected me like this. I was surprised by all the emotions I felt yesterday. Maybe it's because I am getting older,and watching my half siblings & high school friends start families.

I just don't know...

9 comments:

  1. (((Hugs))) I'm actually thankful you posted this. This was on my mind yesterday too. I remember clearly the day the cardio told us if Eli had been a girl he wouldn't have been able to have children. And then I thought of all the older CHDers who are in this spot. So I just looked up Aunts Day and unofficially I've found that July 26th is Aunt Day. I'll be celebrating with you.

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  2. It's something I think about when I see J playing with her baby dolls. She will never be a mom. I will never be a grandmother. It hurts.

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    1. Hugs Amanda. J may grow up and realize that she doesn't & wouldn't want kids even if she could have them.

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  3. I think about this all the time for Caroline. It's a shame, too, because she loves babies. But I love her and wouldn't want anything to happen to her.

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  4. I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I won't begin to say I understand because I don't. I just want you to know I'm here for you and I'm sending BIG hugs. Xoxo

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    1. Thank you sweet lady. It's just hard sometimes.

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  5. Melissa R, Chapman ( Aunt Missa)June 4, 2012 at 10:35 AM

    Forgive this late entry, but I just started reading your blog. I am a 37 yr old, born without my left ventricle. I wrote a paper my freshman year of college calling those of us without children the League of the Fruitless. I am still stunned at how insensitive people can be about what they think I should be able to do. But I have found such joy in just being the best aunt that I can be. And I have two rescue dogs that were in desperate need of a good home when I found them. To help me focus on my accomplishments, I keep a What I Have Done list. I don't believe in to-do lists because you always end up looking at what got left out. So is life. I hope your life is as beatiful as the irises on your page.

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