Friday, June 29, 2012

Lesson Learned!

My faithful readers and friends may recall two months ago when I made amends with a friend.You all may recall that I forgave this person and I was willing to re-establish our friendship. Now I know that I should not have done that.I had prayed to a God that I am not sure exists asking Him to tell me what to do. He told me to forgive this person.

Well that's the last time I ever pray because I did what He told me to do and you know what? I got burned in the process.This person is not worth my time or my friendship. They are a liar and just plain old cracker box crazy.

Sometimes you can forgive someone and things can go back to the way they were and sometimes you learn that there is a reason that this person slips in and out of your life.

I choose to focus my time,energy & love on people who I know have a good heart. Thankfully I have some amazing friends in real life who would stand by me no matter what.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


When I got the news on June 14th I just felt a flood of relief. Tears streamed down my face and I thanked a God that I'm still not even sure exists. My niece did not have some crazy GI disease.She simply had a milk protein allergy.That was something that was much easier to deal with.

I had never felt so relieved in my life. I had been so scared for about a week while we waited for the biopsy results.I had armed myself with lists of information.I had stayed up into the wee hours of the morning doing research after research.Looking at all sorts of things.

When I got the results my first thought was relief but my second thought was that I had wasted a lot of time doing a ton of research.But then I quickly snapped out of that thinking because I knew that all the research I had done was not a waste of time.If my niece had been diagnosed with this GI disease I would have been a VIA (Very Informed Aunt)

Even though I have not had the chance to meet my niece yet,I know that she knows how loved she is by everyone in our family. I know how relieved we all are that things turned out in the best possible way.

First family picture.Just looking at this makes me smile. I love you three!

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Waiting Game

I've played the waiting game before.

But this time it's so different. We aren't waiting for news about my health at all and if possible playing this waiting game is even worse.

We're waiting to find out the results of a biopsy that was done on my ten week old niece.

Yes you read right...My ten week old niece has already undergone more than she should have at her young age.

Now we have to wait three to five days for the results.I know the waiting is hard on me,I cannot even imagine how hard it is on my sister.We texted for a bit last night and I could tell that she was scared.

I reminded her that it's okay to cry (as a matter of fact I'd been crying most of yesterday) and she informed me that she had been crying.My heart ached for her.I wished so much that I could be with her,holding her hand,letting her cry on my shoulder.When I told her that,I could practically hear the tears when she texted back "I wish you were here too"

Last night was unbearably hard for me.

I struggle daily with God's existence and this certainly has not changed.I would trade places with my niece in a second.I don't understand how a higher power could allow this type of thing to happen to a tiny baby. Why not the rapists & murderers out there?

Why my niece?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

An Aunt's Fear

When I first learned that my half sister was expecting I was thrilled.Our half brother had recently welcomed a son and I was so glad to know that our extended family was getting even bigger.I hounded her and hounded her to talk to her OB about my heart history and to keep a close eye on the heart.When she went to into labor at 32 weeks I was sick to my stomach.I spent much of that time crying.I was scared and not being able to be there with her only made it worse.She miraculously kept my niece safe inside of her for six more weeks. Lillian Renay was born at 5:25 am on March 30th.I was relieved to know that my new niece was healthy.

During the first two and a half months of her life,she had had a lot of GI concerns.I wasn't scared until I saw today's picture.She's back in the hospital.My sister is scared and she needs answers. Right now doctors only think they know what's happening. Nothing is definite yet.Again,I'm scared and not being able to be with my sister is awful.My whole heart is with them right now.I need answers too.Not as much as my sister does but I am one scared aunt here.

I think it's probably a good thing that I am not there with my sister and the baby.I would be hounding the doctors.They would probably run far away from me.

Please pray for some definite answers for my sister and her baby.Whatever it is,I will be there in spirit when I can't be there in person.When I can be there in person,I will be.