Monday, April 18, 2011

Jealousy and Joy

First of all let me preface this with the statement that I am so excited for her. She deserves this as do so many other women in our CHD community,With that said,I'm jealous and really hurt. I'm supposedly a good friend of hers and yet I had no idea that she was expecting until today.I'm hurt that she didn't tell me herself and that I had to find out from other friends.

It hurts knowing that I will never be able to carry a child because my cardiologist has already told me that it's much too dangerous.I want to get married and have a family someday and that day doesn't seem to be coming any closer. I have already made the choice to either use a surrogate or find some way to adopt.

It's hard knowing so many women in our community are expecting.Especially someone who's a CHD Survivor like me. That hits so close to home.I don't know if I'll ever get that chance to be a mom and yet I cannot help but be happy for all of these women in our community.Especially for my fellow CHD Survivor.

I don't want to be the jealous angry friend because I am truly excited for her. I want to be beside her every step of the way in spirit because I can't be there in person.I want to be supportive and loving.I want to be a good friend despite the baby envy I am having.I really hope that I can get past this feeling of envy and intense jealousy.

To her I'll simply say congratulations. I am so happy for you.

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